What To Look For In A Husband Or Wife Written on 6th June 2012. Updated 22nd July 2014 and again on 11th August 2014.

Relating Skills. By Manashantii

In order to understand the information on this subject I ask you to please read all of this page and read also my articles entitled “Trust”  and also ” What is love?” and “Things that hinder you from having a healthy relationship” which can be found on this website.

“Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.” Oscar Wilde

The truest measure of a person’s beauty is his or her personality. Eugene Gonyora

Most relational problems exist because of lack of insight, lack of boundaries, lack of understanding and lovelessness.(unforgiveness) Insight, healthy boundaries, understanding and the ability to love and forgive makes you Spiritually mature. Manashantii

Let all your decisions be Spirit led by prayer, take all your problems to God and pray. Be Spirit fed every day, read the Holy Bible every day. Manashantii

Relationship without purpose is death, sexual immorality is sin against self. Manashantii

If you are a woman, find a man who loves you more, a little bit more than you love them, a man that you know you can trust, because women can grow to love more deeply than men (because of the way women are emotionally). A man who loves you more will be more committed and therefore more likely to stay with you through good and bad times. Manashantii

Choose a partner because of how good s/he treats you, and not by the colour of his/her skin. Manashantii 

“The Christian view of sex is that it must be in a marriage, it must be mutual pleasure with the opposite sex where both people feel valued.” Dr. Bobby Conway “The one minute apologist”

Love fuels the start of a marriage, but feelings come and go, commitment, friendship and understanding keeps a marriage alive. Manashantii 

A lady should look for a husband who is committed to God, provides for her, is committed, cherishes her and is a great friend. A gentleman should look for a wife that is humble, family orientated, committed, loving and is a friend. Manashantii

Trust, Commitment, Caring, Honesty and Respect these build a healthy friendship. Manashantii

True love is unconditional acts of kindness without reason or expectation of kindness in return. Love the nature of the person and how the person thinks. The true face of a person’s beauty is his or her heart, soul and Spirit. Manashantii

If you trust and like someone’s personality you will grow to love them. However, lust and obsession can never become love, it can only become infatuation. Most people mistake lust and infatuation as love. Manashantii

Honesty builds trust. Peace is love and forgiveness. The beginning foundation of love is trust. Trust, Love and Forgiveness brings true peace of mind. The beginning of forgiveness is owning what you feel, whatever the feelings are, then moving towards love and inner peace. Trust, Love and Forgiveness brings Inner Peace. Manashantii

Let your partner by his or her actions earn the right to be your partner and friend for life. Manashantii

You should look for a friend for life who is faithful, appreciates you, kind, sensitive and caring and open to love. It would be good if you have similar priorities, motives, standards, boundaries, self-esteem and confidence. Manashantii

Don’t be desperate to make him or her the right person. Don’t be desperate, Sit and listen to God, listen to your heart, listen to your thoughts and feelings, listen to your intuition, listen to your body. Manashantii

Don’t be in denial of the truth you know about the relationship. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t be naive. Manashantii

I believe that every tragedy in life is always the perfect opportunity for transcendence and healing. Manashantii

As a Christian remember that you belong to Christ, so always put Him first. Manashantii

Most people think that lust is love. Lust is sexual and physical attraction, it is therefore physical centred, physical chemistry is not guaranteed to last and neither can it maintain a healthy relationship. Avoid prioritising infatuation, lust and sexual chemistry. True Love grows and lasts a lifetime. True love gives selflessly and offers unconditional love and care. Ask yourself now :- What are your priorities and motives for this relationship? Manashantii

Always put commitment and forgiveness first before any other feelings you may have. Manashantii

Morally and intellectually inspire one another. You must work on your intellectual and Spiritual connection and you must also be able to forgive one another. Manashantii

Try to make time to pray together. Manashantii

Let him or her make time for you. Manashantii

Never stay in a relationship if your partner is violent, threatening, you have very different life goals or you have different religious beliefs. Manashantii

Find a partner who is honest, trustworthy, loyal and  understanding. Manashantii

The couple should trust God’s leading. Manashantii

Overcome your problems by having faith in God and by Trusting in God and communicate with each other. Manashantii

To understand how any society functions (Manashantii) =OR (to under stand how any nation of people function) we must look at the relationships between the men and the women. Angela Yvonne Davis.

Men and women need to heal the trust that is lost between them in all situations. I believe that family members should encourage each other to be responsible in the gender role that is suited to them. Male and female roles should be complementary of one another. Men must be supported to be leaders at work and in the family. Men are usually legalistic, women can be relational centred and liberal, a home needs a balance of the two. We need to stop feminising and emasculating men in every day life. We need men and women in the family home and in the church to teach our children how to become mature and balanced adults.  Manashantii  

Prayer by Manashantii.

Heavenly Father I ask for the presence of the Holy Spirit. My value and my worth is not contingent to people lusting after me. I renounce any negative forces that are keeping me on the path of destruction. Heavenly Father help me to know my worth. Help me to be humble and respectful. Love is unconditional. Love is an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of it’s object. I love according to the Bible. Love is a choice. Heavenly Father help me to have Godly relationships. I am the parent of future generations. I am committed to the Law of God. Marriage and family should come first. I make responsible decisions and I commit to my choices. I follow the vision of multi-generational family and the Biblical concept of family. I am committed to being in union with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I pray in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

I believe that courtship is better than dating.

I would like to make some suggestions for your relationships, if you don’t mind.

A relationship without God and a future plan is death. Manashantii

I have a list of things to look for in a relationship with yourself and in a relationship with others (especially if it is a future spouse ). First of all you need to look for the acronym C.A.R.E.S.S. which stands for Compassion, Acceptance, Respect, Encouragement, Support, and Stroking.  I got this from a book by Carolynn Hillman called Recovery of your self-esteem.So you should C.A.R.E.S.S. yourself and have relationships where you are C.A.R.E.S.S.ed in return.

Compatibility, Trust  and Friendship is the best foundation for a relationship. SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT.  Manashantii

Spiritual compatibility is important The Holy Bible says:- Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? From The Holy Bible 2nd Corinthians 6 v 14 English Standard Version.

(LOVE IS NOT A RANDOM, OVERWHELMING, UNCONTROLLABLE SENSUAL FORCE. LOVE IS NOT SINFUL AND LUSTFUL. Love is an Act of the Will. Love is not a feeling. Love is a decision based upon the will, not an emotion based upon physical attraction. Love is a decision. The will is what gets you through the hard times. Love Biblically and be equally yoked. Baptist Pastor Dr. Voddie Baucham )

Don’t follow the Greco-Roman myth of romantic love. Dr. Voddie Baucham

Sexual immorality is a sin against yourself. Sex should be in a marriage. Outside of marriage you should be single and celibate or courting and celibate. Masturbation is a sexual sin. Manashantii

This is my idea, I made it up, look for and receive the 8 C’s which is COMPASSION, excellent COMMUNICATION, good temperament /CHARACTER, COMPATIBILITY, COMMITMENT, and COMPLIMENTS your personality and character. A healthy relationship always have these in abundance. The other two C’s are COMPROMISE and CHEMISTRY. WHICH ARE LESS IMPORTANT.

Secondly, Compatibility, Trust  and Friendship is the best foundation for a relationship. SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT. Manashantii 

I must warn you of the following:-

Someone you are sexually and physically attracted to today, you may not be sexually attracted to them in years to come. Secondly (Compatibility, Trust  and Friendship is the best foundation for a relationship). SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT. You may not be physically attracted to them in two years, five years or twenty years time. Physical attraction and sexual attraction doesn’t usually last a lifetime, but compatibility usually does last. So I am saying that you should find someone you are compatible with intellectually rather than going for physical and sexual chemistry. The more compatible you are, the less you are likely to need to compromise. For example abusive relationships may compromise a lot because they are not compatible and have little and poor communication. Manashantii

COMPROMISE- If you over compromise in the beginning, you will keep compromising to maintain the relationship. Choose and stay in a relationship where it is good and you are treated well and have to compromise only a little.

Moving on. The other things that should be on your list are the following:-


List of qualities to also look for in your partner. By Manashantii

Christian. Family Orientated. Open to love, Caring, Kind, Giving, Generous, Trustworthy. Productive. Provider. Responsible. Faithful. Mentally and emotionally stable. Goal orientated. Excellent communicator. Gentlemanly if he is a man or Ladylike if she is a woman.

A Spiritually mature man :- A man should be able to Spiritually lead the household, a man should be the lead priest in the family, this is more important than being able to financially provide. Man is the head of his wife and God is the head of the man. Manashantii 

Women should be humble and nurturing. Men should financially provide for the family. Both father and mother should discipline the child(ren).  A child needs a communicative family and love. Manashantii

A “love” relationship without God and Spiritual compatibility is death. Make God your ONLY God, worship absolutely nothing else consciously or unconsciously. Manashantii

We make logical excuses to meet our unconscious goals, sometimes our aims are self-destructive. What are the logical excuses you make ? What are the self destructive excuses you make?

Regarding parenting.

I hope what I have mentioned helps. In Jesus name. Amen


Bible quotes as follows:-

Proverbs 31 v10-v31 = Is an example of  what a good wife should be.

Ephesians 5 v22- v33 = Is an example of what a good husband should be.

Proverbs 16 v3  Proverbs 17v17   Proverbs 18v22    Proverbs 18 v31

Proverbs 27v9  

Ephesians 2v1-6   John 3v19-21

1John 2v15 15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

1 John 2v16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the (Heavenly) Father, but is of the world. King James version.

Romans 8v6 New King James version. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

2Corinthians  6v14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? English Standard Version Anglicised

Amos 3v3 Do two walk together unless they have agreed to meet? English Standard Version Anglicised.

1 Peter 1v22 Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, v23 since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; English Standard Version Anglicised.

See my articles entitled  “Trust” and What is love” and Things that hinder you from having a healthy relationship