Psychological Poems. 6th June 2012 All Written by Manashantii

Most of my poetry were written when I was Buddhist or Hindu which is before March 2005

My poems which are presented here are written from 1985 to 2012

Why not listen to my poems on youtube.com? My Youtube channel is “manashantii” (Oneself. Celebrating my silence. Green Spring. Chocolate oxygen.)

My so called “poems” are really autobiographical writings and affirmations. I write stream of consciousness accidental poetry, and I express my thoughts and feelings through Psychotherapeutic Journal Writing. I don’t rhyme, use metre, or imagery intentionally. I now meditate on The Holy Bible as I write. 

 Psychological poems. Unedited moments into my consciousness. A feelings centred Autobiography.
Oneself. Unedited moments into my consciousness.

A feelings centred Autobiography.By Manashantii My so called “poems” are really autobiographical writings and affirmations. I write stream of consciousness accidental poetry, and I express my thoughts and feelings through Journal writing. I don’t rhyme intentionally, use metre, or imagery. I use various meditations as I write.At the first stage, I use writing as method for self listening, observing and connecting into my thoughts, feelings and instincts.At the second stage, I use writing as a method for emotional processing and catharsis.

At the third stage I use writing as a guiding instrument for transforming my emotions and being resolution focused.

I believe that truthful self communication requires, self listening, (breathwork, physical and sensory awareness exercises) meditation when these are all combined together they become psychological sensors for examing mind and behaviour. I believe that there is always a mental space where innerpeace always exists within everyone, from this place of innerpeace and higher consciousness in my mind is where I listen and I write from. As I observe and I listen to my thought processes, I use this state of consciousness to guide me and ground myself. I use writing to help me explore the depths of my psychological dimensions. Writing helps me to navigate and anchor my vision. I listen in order to psychologically receive the subliminal resonants that my consciousness reflects to me, I then amplify the breath-thought-feeling-sensation into word sounds.
I then start to write down whatever thoughts come to my head, I call this the catharsis stage, because it is like a brain cleansing of my thoughts. I re-read my work to myself. Then I reflect on how I have experienced what I have written. I then examine my perception of my written work and my state of mind and only re-edit where necessary.I believe that a relationship with myself is important, because to a large extent it explains my strengths and how I relate to others.

Please email your views info@manashantii.com

Manashantii is currently seeking a publisher, recommendations and web links.

Manashantii is available for psychotherapy sessions, lecture presentations, tutoring and workshops in educational settings.

My message for you. By Manashantii. 6th June 2012 

Practice SELF HONOURING, CELEBRATING MY SILENCE by INNER-LISTENING and LISTENING TO SELF.Gain insight into yourself,be conscious of your experiences and be conscious of what you psychologically internalise and the effects the experiences have on you.Be solution focused,send messages of peace to the divine within yourself,pay homage to yourself. I hope you discover a therapeutic medium that encourages your artistic self-expression. May you acknowledge your ONESELF. I hope you are able to feel an INNERGLOW
and may your BREATH FLOWERS. May CHOCOLATE OXYGEN affirm your existence.
I know THE PROCESS OF ACCEPTING MY PERSONAL HISTORY.
Explore your pains and realise the beauty of your identity,personal history and who you are. Respect WHAT IS LOVEMAKING.  Live well and may you understand that NATURE DICTATES,so that you never BLOSSOM LAMENT, have faith in HUMANITREE, may you live long and write a joyful JISEI.

This is my message for you the reader of  my poems. The capitalised bold words are some of my poem titles.

 

Your smile. By Manashantii April 2004

Your smile over flows
a reflection
of ecstasy within

 

Chocolate Oxygen. By Manashantii  October 1997

What an amazing voice you have,

your voice is friendly and embracing,

your voice is warm, dry honey, chocolate oxygen melt.

You are Divine consciousness of love, peace and wisdom,

You are enchanting Divine African Nobility,

Divine intelligence incarnate,

Divine intelligence that guides,

protects and nurtures me that’s

what you are.

Your words are,

gently entering my physical head,

delicately flowing into my ears,

pacifying my consciousness,

entrancing my mind subliminally with rhythmic waves,

that dances inside my blood.

Your voice is what plays the talking drum in my heart.

You are the wise ancestral one that I cherish, honour and worship.

Instinctively my very being submits to your presence,

for I am in awe of  you,

and I am experiencing the pleasure of  your voice,

affirming me,

affirming my existence.

 

Boahemaa Mathematica. By Manashantii. 22nd February 2005

I re-mind myself the importance of being open to possibilities and I maintain my inner awareness knowing that time and experience can influence the angle in which I navigate my perception. Knowledge is ever changing, so I navigate my vision and I know the circumference and depths of my psychological dimensions. Self mastery of mind requires the development and sharpening of internal psychological sensors, truthful self communication and a deeper self listening.

Mathematics is a language that can universally explain nature’s plan. Nature selects, but more importantly we self select by our actions. Maternal Grandmother Boahemaa Mathematica, now that I understand the equation, thank you for the seed messages you gave, they rotate subliminal chants within my brain. I can’t hide my intellectual light anymore so I write this poem as a symbolic action of how you have enriched my life with your guidance, protection and your Madam Boahemaa Mathematica.

Whilst meditating late at night I fell asleep and on awakening in a semi dream state I wrote this poem.

 

Humanitree. By Manashantii. August 2003

A healthy family behaves like a  forest of trees.Viewing from outside you are able to see the density of  the collective team, if you are inside you will see the density and strength of the collective team, if  you are inside you will  see that each tree has it’s own individual position and personality, and viewing from the roots and at ground level you will see that all the trees are interconnected and supportive of one another.

A family is like a tree, if the ancestor roots are rotting, then the leaves and the fruit children will also perish. A family is like a tree,  it is the seeds that fall that bear the fruit. Children of the tree should nourish the family tree. A family is like a tree, the children of the tree should nourish the family tree. A family is like a tree,  it is the seeds that fall that bear the new fruit. A family is like a tree, all parts of the tree are interconnected and any parts of the tree are interconnected and any part malfunctioning will cause disharmony to the tree. Nourishment can also come from the fruit or from the roots. Respect your family tree. If  you expand your vision you will see, that we all belong to the family tree called Humanitree.

Written for Humanity. By Manashantii

 

The Earth in Space. (A Tanka). By Manashantii. June 2002 

Be quiet listen,
Circling silently in space
The Earth spins and spins
Dazzling, dazzling like
fireworks in outer space

 

The little cat. By  Manashantii. July 2003

The cat’s coat of fur is like a cloud
that distills a smell of sweet spring.

The cat’s eyes are as round as golden balls
that dances a flame of mad spring.

The cat’s lip is quiet and closed
it plays a concerto of mild spring.

The cat’s whiskers is like
the sparkling life of green spring.

 

Grand-daughter are you baked yet? By Manashantii. March 2005

Grand-daughter are you baked yet?
With wisdom,with wisdom.
Grand-daughter are you cooked yet?
With understanding and with grace
Grand-daughter are you ripe yet?
With love,
Grand-daughter are you grown up yet?
With your guidance and your blessings

now I see with an enlightened eye

and I come to a true resolution, with peaceful faith.

My Maternal grandmother (Ellen Christiana Afua Boahemaa) asked me in Twi if I had become wise yet. Becoming wise and Becoming baked uses the same tonal sound in Twi, Ghanaian Language.

 

 

 

 


As yet untitled Sunday 28th October 2012 By Manashantii 

As my unconscious unfurls, Images and sounds fall into my mind. Every thought I have becomes an unconscious entrancing affirmation. Psychological and Spiritual processes hypnotically spiral into my consciousness.

 

Oneself. By Manashantii. October 1994 

Oneself,
One breath,one mind,one body,one Goddess existing as oneself.
I am one with Manashantii (myself)
One being whole and unique in a Goddessly way,
Independent and in union with myself,
Of my own kind
my own self, in a oneself inner harmony,
and harmonising with humanity.
I am the inner mother that nurtures and protects my daughterchild meditating and merging together as oneself.
Emancipated, autonomous, oneness with myself,
I am at peace with myself,
I self define the composition of the oneself that I am,

My Manashantii vegan-vegetarian-ness,
My Manashantii femininity,
My Manashantii culture,
My Manashantii Religion,
My Manashantii nationality and tribe,
My Manashantii personal experiential history,
My Manashantii personality and identity,

Are all aspects of the composition of the oneself that I am.
I declare and desire only to be myself.
My conscious eye evolves,
becoming aware and able to envision,
all internal delusions,
I am transcending all external distractions and illusions,
I am the resilient force that defines my inner core consciousness
I am me becoming aware and entwined with my conscious inner eye
entwined with my divine inner eye.
I am me
becoming aware of my flourishing divine inner I.
I am me becoming a I,
Here is one word that is clear

ONESELF.

 

The biggest misinformation. By Manashantii. March 1997

The biggest misinformation is that I expect to know everything.
There isn’t always an answer but there is always a resolution.
Some explanations can never justify the motive or actions.
Trying to understand the psychopathological motivations and dwelling                                                                                                               on the energies of an abuser is self-violation of my psyche                                                                                                                             and a misguided distraction,which disables me from living my life.

 

Monday morning work journey. By Manashantii. October 2002

As I brush back my black woollen hair.
In the mirror I stare and stare, at my chocolate glossed brown skin.
I lift up my briefcase and close my front door,
I ascend up the
steps, then I lock my front gate.
I walk down my road.
I inhale the outside air,
I stare,

As a veil of fog tenderly fades,
Dawn breaks softly;
encircling the air,
with a mellow autumn zest.

As I Inhale central London into my outer conscious physical head,
central London becomes a part of my inner consciousness.
I affirm to myself, May the external world,
not pollute my inner conscious eye.
I sense my physical self as my attention fall into my feet.
The sadistic nature of my high heel shoes, create walking feet
torture,
as I walk my shoes noisily announces my presence.

My eyes, they see,
A blue-eyed tall white man,
with chiselled regal Tudor portrait eyes,
As I stare at him with my dark brown eyes,
The Tudor portrait eyed man,
becomes newspaper intrigued.
Ladies with ornately painted sculptured refreshed faces, sit together quietly.
People silently sit dissociated,from this moment and the next moment.
As the clustered standing crowd attempt to freeze still,
physically and mentally frozen, frozen still,
still, so still, from each person.
London underground train doors open, I watch as these moving bodies
stretch, and diaphragms expand,
to meet this vivid new day.

 

Faith in myself. By Manashantii. June 1994

Faith in myself,
oneness of myself,
self-acceptance
and self-love
brings joy
and a peaceful mind.

 

Between a parent and child. By Manashantii. November 1993

It is important to create trust between parent and child.

 

Obsessed mind. By Manashantii. January 1994

My obsessed mind belongs to me
and I realise that I am a deceived person.
I accept the reality of my circumstance.

 

Nature is cruel. By Manashantii November 1993

Believing that people and nature are always kind and fair is an illusion.
People and nature can be cruel and amoral, there is a lot of injustice in the world.

 

Affirmations 1. By Manashantii January 1991

I validate trust and honour myself.
I am feminine and I define my beauty.

 

Affirmations 2. By Manashantii January 1991

I trust and honour the divine wisdom
that exists within myself.
My intuition is guiding me through life.
I look inside my consciousness and I
find the truth and the answers.
I accept what I am feeling and I breathe
into my feelings.

 

 I perfect my love. By Manashantii. January 1994

l my experiences that have been good or bad, past and present are all a matter of my vision and interpretation. I let go off my past negative experiences.I open up to love, because love heals love liberates, love purifies and dissolves all negativity. I perfect my love.

 

I am listening. By Manashantii. January 1995

I am listening
to the serenity of
quiet silence.

 

Your smile. By Manashantii. August 1996

Your smile over flows
a reflection
of ecstasy within.

 

 

You can’t buy my silence. By Manashantii. May 1990

You can’t buy my silence.

 

Silence doesn’t cure my pain. By Manashantii. May 1990

Silence doesn’t cure my pain.

 

 

Green Spring. By Manashantii. March 2004

Deep is the green grass that I walk in,
it is sprinkled with fresh morning dew.
The trees of my garden are green again.
Yet my dreams are of summer flowers.
Threads of rain fall.
Tender becomes my song in the spring rain.
The frenzied rush as the ripening wind roars
and drowns out my human words.
I have climbed the mountain and I feel serene,
I alone at the edge of the sky.
All things change and keep no fixed state,
I adapt myself to flowing time.
The evening moon rises.
Awakening joy within me.

 

Daydreaming fantasies. By Manashantii. February 1996

Daydreaming my fantasy is sometimes safer and better than to live the fantasy in reality.Fantasy and daydream is the mind’s created pleasure,
invented to perfection.Reality cannot be totally moulded,reshaped or controlled like a fantasy.Neither can you return or change reality.
The fantasy of whatever I want or desire will always be perfect pleasure as I visualise or imagine it to be, because it is my self-directed dream.

Fantasies don’t always appear the same way as we envision when we bring it to life.Reality is not fantasy.Fantasy is not reality.Some fantasies are better left inside my mind than to create it in reality.When some fantasies are brought into reality they cannot always bring harmony as it is my fantasy.

I have to learn to become aware of fantasies that bring chaos when brought to reality,and I have to be aware of fantasies that can be,and exist beautifully in reality.

It is important to remember not to exchange a good fantasy for a reality of chaos and pain.Having said that don’t be afraid to face reality. Always think twice.

 

The Earth in Space. (A Tanka) 26th November 2009. By Manashantii

Be quiet listen,
Circling silently in space
The Earth spins and spins
Dazzling,dazzling like
fireworks in outer space

 

Autumn moon. 26th November 2009. By Manashantii

Autumn moon,
Autumn stars,
Autumn twilight,
In the dark sky.

 

Nurturing my sacred consciousness. 30th November 1993. By Manashantii

Nurturing my sacred consciousness
I chant audible sounds of ecstasy
into the aural cosmos.

 

Religion. 30th November 1996. By Manashantii

I don’t need religion in order to cultivate my moral instincts.

 

Affirmation 3. 10th August 1991. By Manashantii. Written on my birthday.

Every tragedy is an opportunity for transcendence.

 

My mind set. By Manashantii. January 1994

I work on my mind set,
I work on my mental
and emotional conditioning,
I let go off my ego,
I let go off craving,
at times my mind is my weakness,
at times my mind is my strength.

 

Tenderness embraced. By Manashantii. May 2003

In your nurturing embrace,
You are tender softness,
nurturing softness,
tenderness embraced.

 

Affirmations 4. By Manashantii. September 1991

I discover my own true nature,
the nature of my mind,
I value being born,
I realise that understanding and love
is more important than my beliefs.
I put understanding and love first,
I perfect my love.
I understand how my inner nature evolves,
I nurture knowledge and wisdom energy
within my mind.
I take responsibility for my life,
blaming my parents and society
doesn’t help resolve my problems.
Everything is mind born.
I practice acceptance and letting go.
Truth,trust and faith makes my love stronger.

 

Death. By Manashantii. June 1995

Death is natural and as inevitable as life,
I live in the present moment.

 

Guilt and blame cycle. By Manashantii. June 1999

My mother and I have been generating and repeating
cycles of blame and guilt with one another.I blame her, she feels guilty, she blames me I feel sad..and the cycle goes on.
Today I let go off guilt and blame. I take responsibility and make peace with myself and my mother.

 

Children. By Manashantii. March 2001

Today I have no children or family,
Tommorow I may still not have any
children.Whatever happens I let go
off worry.

 

I want to dance. By Manashantii. December 1993

I want to dance in my garden.
I want to dance in the streets.
I want to dance in the park.
I want to dance on the beach.
I want to dance in every room in my house.
I want to dance outside in the dark.
I want to night dance alone.
I want to day dance.
I want to sun dance.
I want to rain dance.
I want to snow dance.
I want to celebrate.
I want to dance carefree and expressively.
I want to dance everywhere without feeling shame, guilt and fear.
Iwant to be able to let go.
I want the music to take me to the highest joy.I fear dancing alone,and I fear eyes of anger,rage and envy watching me.
I want to dance on the roof.I fear dancing infront of strangers eyes.
I want to dance unashamed in the sunlight without feeling vulnerable.
I want to dance unashamed without feeling angry eyes staring at me.
Oh I so much want to dance. I sit here feeling inhibited, sad, fearful and angry with myself. I ask myself if I really want to dance?

 

I want to dance. By Manashantii. December 1993

I want to move like an autumn leaf blown by the breeze.
I want to dance under the moonlight.
I want to dance under the clouds,under the sky.
I want to dance under a tree.I want to feel like the breeze.
I want to wind dance.I want to feel the breeze on my body.
I want to dance so high,up in the sky.I want to move like the ripples in the sea.I want to dance in the sea.I want to dance in the deep waters in the ocean and move like waves rippling,rippling rippling.I want to move
like the breeze in the sky.I want to move like the leaves on the tree.
I want to move like an ocean storm.I want to move my body like raindrops.
I want to move like an autumn leaf,dancing in the sky,dancing in the air,
blown by the breeze.I want to dance and feel the warmth of sunrays and sunbeams glowing inside of me.I want to move like an autumn leaf,blown by the breeze,dazzling in the sky all day long.I want to move like a rippling wave,I want to move like an ocean storm.I want to be in my body and explor the pleasure I can give myself.I want to be like the breeze,so at ease.
So at ease.

 

The arts. By Manashantii. February 1992

The arts and self expression is the most ancient form of healing.

 

Dancing. By Manashantii. November 1993 

Dancing goes deeper than understanding,vocalise,express the emotions through the arts.Channel your energy and emotions.Set your body free.

 

Body expression. By Manashantii. November 1993

I let my body express and communicate my emotions.I reflect my inner feelings outwards to the world through movement.I let my emotions and my  feelings be free.I express my feelings,I let my body follow my feelings.
My body reflects my feelings.My feelings reflects my movements.There
is total communication between my movements and my feelings.
My mind, my body, my intuition and my emotions all reflect myself.
I reflect the rhythm. I reflect my feelings. I reflect the beat.

 

Dance pleasure. By Manashantii. January 1994

Dancing is one of the most ultimate pleasure experience I can give to my body and mind.I dance to express my sensuality,my emotions and my sexuality.I dance to celebrate my beauty,my youthfulness,my anguish,my fears and my anger.I dance to break my shame and guilt.I dance to forgive and appreciate all of myself in dance.

 

Dance. By Manashantii. January 1994

Dance is the movement of expressions. Dance is the movement of emotions.
Dance is the movements of emotions and the body.Dance is the harmony of expression,emotions and body movements.Dance is the physical description and emotional expression of myself and my world.

 

I express my feelings. By Manashantii. January 1994

I have stopped overloading my unconscious, I no longer keep my feelings inside. I bring my feelings into reality and my consciousness. I use the arts.

 

Chanting Om. By Manashantii February 1996

I chant Om for the creation of Myself and for my appreciation of my creation. I chant Om for the maintenance of my life.I chant Om for the strength to create whatever I desire and I chant Om to give birth to creativity. I chant Om to affirm nature’s creativity. I chant Om to remind myself what nature and creation means to me. I chant Om to remind myself of the sacredness and preciousness of love, life and living.

 

Unlearning racism. By Manashantii. February 1996

I believe that race is a man made concept.I am definately human first before my race or my gender.

Living in a racist world I see many hearts filled with fear and hatred,I see many hearts filled with paranoia envy and rivalry.These hearts are conforming and becoming a slave to racism.Racism enslaves hearts and minds.My environment and experiences created me,but today I consciously protest against racism.I refuse to internalise and listen to the images and words of deciet that are vibrating around and within me.

Most black people in the western world have race issues.They have racial self-hatred or they believe that they are racially superior in comparison to white people (racial supremacy).

Personally I love being black, however I don’t believe it is the most important thing.I am black and proud but most importantly,I am a human being first, before I am a black woman.

 

Security By Manashantii. February 1996

The only security that I truly possess is the security that I create and allow myself to feel inside. It is the only security that is essential and really mine. I give up depending on material things, people and money as a means to feel secure. Money,people, and material things are not really mine, they are things I share, borrow or own for a period of time. The only security I really own is my internal security.Everything else that I think I own is really my delusion. External security is an illusion. I will not delude myself.

 

Exploration. By Manashantii. March 1996

I search for my personal identity and I explor my personal experience.I explor my ancestral tradition and familial culture.I explor ways to develop quality of mind.

 

This is my body. 6th March 1996. By Manashantii

This is my body.This is my mind.This is my life.This is my home.I have a right to do what is right for me,I have a right to be me,I have a right to discover who I am,I have a right and a choice to explor myself.I live my life to enhance,improve and promote myself.My life is for my benefit.
I will learn and explor life.I will live my life through practice and action.An inner reformation of my thoughts,beliefs and actions is my goal.
I collect my strength and take responsiblity to achieve this,I promise myself this.

 

Art. By Manashantii. May 1995

Art is very healing.The arts are very therapeutic.The more creative, sensual, intuitive and emotive I can be, the more expressive I can become.The more I heal the wounds of my childhood.

 

Music. By Manashantii. May 1995

The musical instrument imitates emotions and the human voice in it’s own instrumental sound and tone.The musical instrument stimulates emotion.

 

A musician. By Manashantii. May 1995

A musician is someone with the ability to express emotions.
A musician is someone who has the ability to transform your emotions into music.A musician is someone with the ability to translate and express emotions into sounds, beats rhythms that becomes understood and felt by listeners. A musician possesses the ability to communicate emotions through sound.A musician has the ability to speak or say what can be felt through sound.

 

Classical music. By Manashantii. May 1995

Classical music is beautiful.It can invoke various emotions all at once.
Classical music is very moving music,it can awaken me emotionally.When I cannot explain how I am feeling I can be sure that a classical composer has expressed my feelings into sound.When I am angry and I put on a powerful rage piece it feels like I am hearing my emotions in sound in a double harmony. It’s amazing that sound can awaken so much within me consciously and unconsciously.Classical music is usually music by a whole orchestra playing at once and this is so unifying and harmonious.Somehow I the listener, I am in touch and feel this union of musicians playing deep within my heart.

 

Writing is feelings diluted. By Manashantii. April 1995

Writing is feelings diluted.Writing is feelings unprocessed,feelings silenced,restrained and observed.Writing is thought captured and to be analysed.Writing is feelings diluted.Writing is feelings explained rather than expressed.

 

Writing 1. By Manashantii. April 1995

Writing is thoughts, feelings,sounds and words,captured then silenced and frozen into symbols.Writing is sculptured shapes printed between lines on a page,stuck on a page.Writing is frozen sensual memories filed away deep in our unconscious minds.Writing is frozen feelings and thoughts recorded and kept still in time on a page.Writing is sounds, feelings,thoughts,
words and memories imprisoned between the lines of a page.

Writing is the communication of words,thoughts and feelings onto a page.

Writing is a way to record down experiments and experience.Writng is the expression what we are consciously aware of within ourselves and outside us that I want to share with the world.

 

Writing 2. By Manashantii. April 1995

Writing is talking inside your own head.Writing is thoughts,feelings,
soundsand words captured.Writing is thoughts,feelings,sounds and words
restrained,silenced and frozen into symbols.Writing words constricts me to a small space.Writing is a voice,feelings and thoughts stuck in my mind,stuck on paper,stuck in time.Writing permits me to think more and allows less space to feel because my paper is filled with mostly thoughts than feelings.Feelings are not thoughts,feelings are expressions trapped inside my body that need to be released.Writing is the movement
of thoughts and the hand,rather than of emotional movement.vocal movement and body movement.

 

Scribbles. By Manashantii. September 1999

Scribbles are intuitive movements of he hand,a hand dance.The pen is your tool and your partner,the paper or notebook is your dance floor.It is a special dance floor,you record the feelings in the language of emotion,
expression and intuition in it’s purest freestyle form.Scribbling actually cuts out the usage,development and the mixing of our learned and trained mind.Scribbling gives our hands emotional freedom to be expressed.
Scribbling goes beyond words and art symbols at times.Scribbling is writing without intellectual language,it goes beyond logic and reason.

 

The benefits of writing as a therapeutic tool. By Manashantii. June 1994

I note down good memories and experiences.I get in touch with my feelings.
Writing helps me to observe my progress. Writing helps me to discover yourself.Writing gives me space to communicate with myself and open up to secrets I keep.Writing helps me to think about myself and my situation.
Writing helps me to reflect and explor my past history and my here and now,and my future.Writing helps me to resolve my personal problems.Through writing and thinking I can change my negative beliefs.Writing helps me to get in touch with my inner philosopher and inner psychotherapist.

 

Writing 3. By Manashantii June 1994

I write to save my mind.Writing for me is a way for me to preserve my intellect.Writing is a way for me to remain Intellectually alive even when I feel emotionally and physically inactive.

 

Writing 4. By Manashantii. June 1994

Writing is the expression of feelings that comes to my consciousness,feelings processed with thoughts expressed and materialised
into the external world into words.Writing is silent conversations with oneself,preserved on paper.

 

Writing 5. By Manashantii. June 1994

I write to save my mind.
Writing is a way to preserve my intellect.Writing is a way for me to remain intellectually alive even when I feel emotionally and physically inactive.

 

Writing 6. By Manashantii.  June 1994

I find writing is really satisfying and it develops my thinking and my psychological healing process.

 

Writing 7. By Manashantii. June 1994

Writing is my way of releasing words and feelings that cannot be spoken.

 

Writing 8. By Manashantii. June 1994

Writing is very good for planning,mentally organising yourself,
intellectualisation,rationalising,analysing,reflecting,exploring,gaining insight,understanding,finding resolution and problem solving.

Writing helps me to recognise problems and patterns.
Writing helps me to look and listen to myself.
Writing helps me to become introspective.

When I write I try to explain my thoughts and feelings.As I write I verbalise the sounds and breathe into the feeling.

 

Writing 9. By Manashantii. June 1994

Writing is about exploring letters and words and sounds.
Writing is thoughts and feelings translated,expressed and recorded into an intellectual symbolic language form.

 

Writing 10. By Manashantii. June 1994

I use writing as a constructive way to think and a way to keep records of my thoughts.Writing helps me to explore and discover my intellectual potential.

 

Writing 11. By Manashantii. June 1994

Writing is the recorded observation and transformation of my thought processes.

 

Cumulus cloud gazing. By Manashantii. May 1999 

Cumulus cloud gazing,                                                                                                                                                                                         I walk and stare,
from sky view I see
a pale grey cumulus clouded sky,
and now hail stones fall,
orally they scat and drum a jazz rhythm
on my plastic transparent umbrella,
for me.
I keep walking,
At ground level I walk the distance of a yard,
in front of me ,or so it seems,
I don’t really know the distance because
I am looking upwards at the sky,and now in my view,
I see a  rich blue sky with white cumulus clouds,
trying to understand the climatic contrast,
cumulus cloud gazing wondering if the sky is two pieces invisibly joined.

 

True love. 16th December 2000. By Manashantii

True love gives flowingly, so true, when I am being loved truly,I feel and recieve a love that is pure and true.My lover loves me and it is true and truth. I am appreciated, I am enough, I am an overflow of love and we are both an exchange of overflowing love, overflowing truth, and overflowing understanding I am true to myself. I feel a peaceful understanding that creates a peaceful joy and tranquil and secure energy. There is satisfaction and acceptance between our hearts and minds, blossoming with our satisfaction and acceptance of who we are. Peaceful acceptance within two selves. We are two peaceful minds blossoming with our creation of pure love. Accepting and receptive of love.There is an overflow of peace and inner peace. There is an overflow of trust.

I wrote this whilst listening to Venus by Holst and Sheep may safely graze by Bach.

 

A Freestyle poem. By Manashantii. October 1995

This entangling wind
is freezing my smile.
This autumn twilight fills me.
I keep walking
a woman all alone
in sullen silence
I see a wild violet.

Rain drops of dew fall
and all things on earth
are becoming beautiful again.
All animal creation
is first embraced by a womb
which envelops the silence of love
and this woman’s skin
gleams through the dusk.

 

Three Silent meditation poems. By Manashantii. 1994

Inner-listening. By Manashantii. July 1994

You cannot celebrate your silence unless you are able to listen to
yourself,and listen to what your mind speaks.You cannot celebrate
your silence unless you are able to accept the thoughts your mind
speaks.
You cannot celebrate your peace without being able to understand the
chemical origination that gave birth to your thought processes.
Listening to self is the primary step towards transforming your
emotions.
When listening to yourself you must be able to sift through your
delusions and acknowledge your inner truth.

 

Listening to self. By Manashantii. July 1994

I am making a safe and sacred space.
I make a safe and psychological space to breathe and think.
I slow down my thought processes and I breathe slow deep breaths.
I find my loving mothering goddess that exists within me.
Knowing that I am safe, as I breathe I listen to my inner self.
I know that it is safe to listen within. I have faith in myself.
I can listen to what needs to be spoken, and what I need to hear.
As I breathe slow deep breaths, I listen, observe and record my
mental processes.
As I breathe I discover my purpose, my value,
my worth and I create solutions.
I welcome inner peace.

 

Celebrating my silence. By Manashantii. July 1994

As I centre into my inner core,
I listen to my inner peaceful silence,
I patiently listen to my inner peaceful silence,
my silence speaks to me with echoes of pure insight,
My inner consciousness is a productive consciousness that I honour,
I am a creative consciousness that possesses flourishing insights,
In my silence I find peace and clarity,
I know the power of my inner self,
I am a blissful temple of powerful pleasure,
celebrating my inner self,
celebrating my silence,
celebrating my inner peace.

 

Self-honouring. By Manashantii. July 1994

I preserve and acknowledge the primordial purity of my consciousness.
I endeavour to live a purposeful existence and maintain my sense of
self- worth.

 

Sacred consciousness. By Manashantii ( 15th Jan. 1993)

I possess a sacred consciousness.
I am pure awareness.
The true nature of my consciousness is a peaceful state.
I renounce my desire for personal reward.
My instinctual desire is a self-pointing sword that I suffer with.
I let go off my desires.
My desires cause illusions and delusions.
I detach myself from my desires.
I return to my true nature which is peace,love and understanding.
I respect my consciousness and I maintain my sacred inner peace regardless of my experiences positive or negative.

 

Silver words on black paper. By Manashantii. June 1994

Silver letters on black paper,
each graphical character swirls and curls,
around and my new silver pen dances,
inscribing silver ink on the page.

Surrounded in black paper,
any error made is visible,
and silver’s beauty silently echoes here,
her rotating shapes become groups of silent echoes on the page,
and now I share these thoughts with you.

Written when I was desperately in search of  a pen to write a poem,

I tested a silver pen on black paper,

in a large london stationery shop,the above is what I instantly wrote.

 

 

Artistic self -expression. By Manashantii. November 1993

Through the arts,I express
my numerous emotional volumes of
weeping, screaming, laughing and passionate raging
that lay deep inside of me

Through my breath,
My thoughts,my sound,and my movement
my feelings are reborn and exist.

 

Salt sand Kin Hin. By Manashantii. July 2002

Salt sand Kin Hin,

Salt sand paths,

spherical maelstrom,

seaward circling,

shoreward sweeping,

ears of silent peace,

My body at peace,

salt sand feet,

salt sand wet,

I hear your voice,

my eyes rejoice,

salt sand hazy breeze,

water dews breeze,

diamond sea sparkles,

sunward facing,

skyward gazing,

sky slowly dances,

my size three feet,

without my,

knee high ,

army style boots,

salt sand feet,

salt sand wet,

soft sun soothes,

Salt sand Kin Hin.

This poem was written about six weeks later after the experience, I reflected on a memory of  practising walking meditation on a beach. This poem was later re-titled “Salt Sand Peace Walking”  

 

Salt sand Peace walking. By Manashantii. July 2003

Salt sand Peace walking,

Salt sand paths,

spherical maelstrom,

seaward circling,

shoreward sweeping,

ears of silent peace,

My body at peace,

salt sand feet,

salt sand wet,

I hear your voice,

my eyes rejoice,

salt sand hazy breeze,

water dews breeze,

diamond sea sparkles,

sunward facing,

skyward gazing,

sky slowly dances,

my size three feet,

without my,

knee high,

army style boots,

salt sand feet,

salt sand wet,

soft sun soothes,

Salt sand Peace walking.

This poem was written about six weeks later after the experience, I reflected on a memory of  practising walking meditation on Porthcurno beach, Cornwall.

 

 

Monday morning work journey. By Manashantii. October 2003

As I brush back my black woollen hair.
In the mirror I stare and stare, at my chocolate glossed brown skin.
I lift up my briefcase and close my front door,
I ascend up the
steps, then I lock my front gate.
I walk down my road.
I inhale the outside air,
I stare,

As a veil of fog tenderly fades,
Dawn breaks softly;
encircling the air,
with a mellow autumn zest.

As I Inhale central London into my outer conscious physical head,
central London becomes a part of my inner consciousness.
I affirm to myself, May the external world,
not pollute my inner conscious eye.
I sense my physical self as my attention fall into my feet.
The sadistic nature of my high heel shoes, create walking feet
torture,
as I walk my shoes noisily announces my presence.

My eyes, they see,
A blue-eyed tall white man,
with chiselled regal Tudor portrait eyes,
As I stare at him with my dark brown eyes,
The Tudor portrait eyed man,
becomes newspaper intrigued.
Ladies with ornately painted sculptured refreshed faces, sit together quietly.
People silently sit dissociated,from this moment and the next moment.
As the clustered standing crowd attempt to freeze still,
physically and mentally frozen, frozen still,
still, so still, from each person.
London underground train doors open, I watch as these moving bodies
stretch, and diaphragms expand,
to meet this vivid new day.

 

Breath flowers. By Manashantii. September 2003

My breath flowers,
emotional bliss intensified,
love dew blossoms,
a hormonal essence,
affirming the beauty of life,
dwelling in your soft wet fragrance,
Your loving caresses,
become flowering nectar,
embraced by my femininity.

 

Breath flowers 2. A tanka poem. By Manashantii. September 2003

Sacred caressing,
in the echo of your call,
I’m  adorned  in  joy,
such sweet sublime majesty.
flowers of love in my song.

 

Blossom lament. By Manashantii. August 2003 

Blossom Lament,
Lamentably tattered,
My feminine blossoming denied,
solemnly withering,
fragmented cacophony of fractured truth,
distorted, buried from my consciousness.
Never realised into life my feminine blossom.

 

A literary image of the sun reflecting on my skin. By Manashantii. July 2003

Sun shines on my skin, reflecting, glistening and entrancing small
shapes of a thousand micro-mosaic images. My skin, reflects
pictures of sun reflected rippling streams, small paper thin diamond
dust mirrors and crystallised rainbow dust.
my skin complexion is like,melting liquid chocolate honey with
shining gold sparkles,
honey mud kaleidescope melt.

 

 

Innerglow. By Manashantii. July 1996 

I am inspired by my energetic shining inner core,
My inner core illuminates convivially and
my sexuality is a blossoming goddess,
I open up to my powerful innerself.

 

A Scar-A historical reminder. By Manashantii. July 1995

Inscribed skin,
that has been
re-mended,
becomes
an elevated sculpture,
Inscribed skin,
displays the discomfort,
that was within,
Inscribed skin,
narrating memories,
of my crisis and my bravery,
and the life,
I have lived.

 

My afro hair- part 1. By Manashantii. January 2005

Woollen textures twisted and bound
ripped apart broken fragments
pulled up and de-rooted un-wound
unwind, rewind ,unravel again and again
un-do re-do
re-darned
full of elasticity,
defying gravity,
maintaining curl memory,
spiraling circling into space,
soft moist wool,
dry wire,
energy and unity of femininity,
communicating my culture’s belief,
communicating my culture’s beauty standard,
like medusa, like yemanja, like Buddha.

combed at ….force  / combed at miles per hour…
how dare I expect not to have
a headache after this?
why keep your glory hiding under a hat?
or a head wrap all the time.
evolved as hydro-phobic hair,
maximum twelve complete curls per inch
and eight curls per inch minimum
how dare I expect not to have
hair problems or baldness by forty
As a black woman I silently complain
and never question my culture’s torturous hairstyling methods.

 

My afro hair -part 2. By Manashantii. January 2005

Sculptured textured woollen puff balls,
woolen ropes,
twisted scalp moulding puffs,
patterned paths on my scalp,
cobbled pebbles surrounding my head,
my hairstyle shaped like sticks  and branches,
melanated electric spiral,
small spiral curls that twirl
around matchsticks and pins,
like a twisting fortress of sprouting coils,
clustered sculptures cylindrical woolen ropes,
a fortress of melanated electricity ignited by my adrenal gland.

 

Summer flower. By Manashantii. September 1996 

I see summer through the trees
and my heart is a flower.

 

Affirmations 5. By Manashantii. January 1994

I  validate, trust and honour myself.
I am feminine and I define my beauty.
I affirm my beauty.
I trust  and honour the divine wisdom
that exists within myself.
I accept what I am feeling .
Love heals, love liberates,
love dissolves negativity,
I perfect my love.
My intuition is guiding me
through life.
I look inside my consciousness
for the answer and for the truth.

 

The laws of reflection and attraction in relationships. By Manashantii. January 1991

The world is a giant mirror reflecting and attracting my beliefs.
My relationships reflect back the way I treat myself.
My relationships reflect back the way I treat others.
My relationships reflect back to me my sub-conscious thoughts
and beliefs about myself and past unresolved problems.
My relationships reflect back to me what I need to learn.
My relationships attracts what I believe about other people.
When I change the way I view things,
my thinking and my perception also changes and as a result, my life changes.

 

Craving is a desire that deceives the mind. By Manashantii. September 2004

In a psychologically regressive and complacent trance,
My desire distorts my mind into a deluded self deception,
and my rationalised denial fills my inner emptiness that
my yearning creates.
Craving is a desire that deceives the mind.
When I am humble I realise that I know nothing at all,
just the illusions that my eye tells me,
and the interpretations that my mind perceives,
and when I am arrogant,
a small moment in life feels like knowledge
and experience of everything that existed and exists
beyond time.
Craving is a desire that deceives the mind.

(I mean the Buddhist sense of the term “craving” for this poem).

 

The process of accepting my personal history 
-An inner dialogue. By Manashantii. September 1995

My history,
Oh how I hate you,
History, how you cling to me now,
You keep me a hostage and a prisoner, a prisoner to my history.
You affect my present life,
I don’t know how to be free of you,
but my inner voice tells me you are a part of me
and I cannot run or deny or escape from you,
For you have shaped me with my character and scars.
History, I resent you.
I resent you for heavily influencing my choices and constantly
dictating my destiny,
Then my inner voice tells me
That you history I must not blame you,
If I blame you, then I blame myself.
My inner voice tells me to be free of my history
dictating my future,
I have to take action and that means being responsible and taking
charge of my life now.
Oh how, can I hate you for chained to me is you -my history.
My inner voice says: –
You history do not dictate my destiny.
My destiny is my decision.
My inner voice called history speaks and she says: –
I am history, I am true and I am truth
I am something real that happened to you.
I am your history. I am the truth that you must acknowledge.
I am true. Own me.
Admit to me.
My inner voice called history speaks to me and she
says: –
Accept me; accept your history for you cannot escape from me.
I am history.
I apologise if I haunt you,
but it is because of how you sense me,
Feel me, think of me,
and remember me and see me as a beastly ghost.
There is no need for you to fear me or deny me
There is no need for you to develop psychogenic amnesia or fugue or forget me.
I am your history.
You cannot end the reality of your history by ending your life.
HISTORY IS, and cannot change. Accept this truth.
I am a living memory breathing and dancing inside your mind.
I am your history.
I ask you.
Can you accept me?
Can you forgive me?
Can you love me?
Can you respect me?
Can you make peace with me?
Can you feel me with a loving heart?
You and I forever, we are chained,
I am your then and you are my now.
It is your thinking and behaviour that holds us hostage.
I am sorry for your past experiences, but please don’t blame me,
I am neither the cause, nor the problem.
I am a part of your time that was.
let us be friends.
I am history, love me.
Accept me and make peace with me.
I accept my history.
I forgive myself for my history, it wasn’t my fault.
I love my history. I have nothing to be ashamed of or to hide.
I respect my history.
I make peace with my history.
My history is a part of me and I feel myself with a loving heart,
my history is my very good friend always,
no matter what people say about my history,
I ACCEPT MY HISTORY AND I LOVE MYSELF.

 

To my child(ren) that may never be conceived, may never be born, and I may never meet or parent. By Manashantii. February 2004

To my child(ren) that may never be conceived,may never be born,and I may never meet or parent.I really love you my child and I want the best for you.I feel quite overwhelmed knowing that I have to endure labour pains and maybe a caesarian operation to bring you into this imperfect world.
I love you so much,I would never hurt you willingly or intentionally,I want the best for you.I would do my very best to love you.I believe that you deserve love and care.I am scared of loosing you,because even though
I have not conceived you yet,it is my instinct to protect you.I set really high standards for myself,please forgive me for not being perfect.I love you so much.I want you in my life.I want to love you and know you.I really want to have a very special relationship with you.I know I love you.I can’t bear the thought of being without you.Every moment away from you would be my most painful loss.I can’t imagine myself ever abusing you.
My curiosity of you,imagining you is not enough for me,because I really want to know you.I have so many things to tell you and so many so I want to sing to you.I love you so much,I hope you don’t feel overwhelmed by my love for you.Loneliness is a familiar experience for me.I would feel priveledged and honoured to have you as my child.I want to live with you,
in love,in peace,in joy and in health.You are worth knowing and I want to share my body and biological space with you.You are worth all the belly aches and all the labour pains.I want to share my life with you.

 

Affirmations 6. By Manashantii. January 1994

I am longer a carrier of guilt,regrets and desires,craving is a desire that decieves the mind.I love and accept myself unconditionally.
I let go off the past.I have inner peace.Love heals,love liberates,love dissolves all negativity, I perfect my love for myself.

 

 

Marching down Holloway road N7. By Manashantii 31 August 2001

I am
Marching down Holloway road N7,
liquorice under my tongue
charcoal stick is sticking out of my mouth,
My delusions are disintegrating as
my headwrap is unravelling (un-ra-v-ell-ing)
Emotionally falling a part,
In the sky, Grey and white clouds are everywhere,

As I cry

Cold Rain DROPS, drops, drops
Cold Rain DROPS, drops, drops
Cold Rain DROPS, drops, drops
Cold Rain DROPS, drops, drops

On my face

August 31ST 2001.

 

 

ART (Artificial Released Thinking). By Manashantii. 20th April 1989

ART
Is what the eye sees
ART
Are the clours and lines
ART
Is the sense of touch
ART
Are the unreal things created real
ART
ART
ART
ART
Is the language voice and sound
ART
Are the things that pleases the senses
ART
Is what we explain three dimensionally.
ART
Is what we translate from our minds to life
ART
Artificial Released Thinking brought to life

Artificial
Released
Thinking

This is Art.

 

 

My body you pain. By Manashantii. August 2003

My body you pain,
for the gain of your species,
Beyond our exterior differences,
and my linguistic inabilities,
My body you pain,
You pain my species,
you kill for fun and experiments,
If  genetically we are the same,
why have you not eliminated diseases
nor created immortality?
How useful is intellectualisation
without the application of moral consciousness?

 

 

Crying from my core. By Manashantii. March 1988

I am
In grief
I throw
myself
On this cold room floor,
like dust is how I feel,
I melt
to the ground,
like a mountain
to a little mound,
My head is on my knees,
My hands surrounds my knees,
Cold wet hands and feet.
You hurt me and then you leave me
I am tumbling on the floor
emotionally I am
lamenting crying from my core
cold shivering screaming gasping grief
crying from my core.

 

 

Father. By Manashantii. May 1999

Father your chocolate skin and sapphire blue eyes,
Father your hair is like wool, and cotton clouds,
Father your skin is like darkest earthly chocolate oxygen blended as one.
Father you are the breath of my life force.

 

 

Ten words. By Manashantii. May 2005. Written after being raped.

Ten words,
Suffocation,
Isolation,
Resentment,
Rejection,
Expectation,
Disappointment,
Repulsion,
Aversion.

 

 

Frigid paralysis. By Manashantii. May 1997

Your violent words violate
My heart-mind resolute
With your own hands and with your blaming words,
With your own hands you attacked my feminine blossom.

My self-castigating irrational guilt led me to frigid celibacy.
Hoping to appease you, meet your expectations and fantasies.
I sexually desisted, hypnotically paralysed by fear, loyalty and guilt.

I wasted eight years to frigid celibacy.

I wasted eight years to frigid paralysis.

My words and my actions cannot alter your false beliefs about me.
My womb mother can never love me her seed daughter,

Only my grief breathes

Only my grief grows.

 

 

Deluded daughter. By Manashantii. May 2005

Paralytic terror, Irrational separation anxiety from mother, emotionally enmeshed in loyalty and dependency is the reason why this psychologically battered daughter stands here. Stands here grieving about her psychological deformation and the psychological degeneration of her ancestral lineage. Innocently following emotional paths that take her to her psychological decline and further delusions.

Believing that apology from my mother, will heal the sorrow and anger.
Believing that I can demystify her violent voice when only she knows why
Believing that my antagonists will change. Is a delusion.
Believing that my antagonists must empathise with my experiences

Is a delusion.

Believing that I can win my mother’s love and approval from my mother,
is a delusion. Believing that I can change her mind and change her is a delusion.Believing that I can change the past Is a delusion.

Believing that revenge on them, will reverse the pain and sexual violation that I felt

Is a deluded path. Believing that forgiveness to them, will heal me or reverse my physical maladies. Is a delusion.

Believing that reasoning her behaviour, asking myself, Why? Why?
from within myself.

Believing that I can convince her to explain her true motives to me.
Is a delusion.

Why would she want to disenchant me of her mind-controlling spell?

If it is not a mind controlling spell then I am maintaining a relationship of delusional lies? Believing that searching for the psychological meaning will define her psychological state of being. Is a delusion.

Believing that that a higher understanding of her will resolve the situation.

Is a delusion. Believing that my excessive loyalty to her will make her acknowledge my love and that my feelings for her will dissolve her emotional distance towards me.

Is a delusion.

When I just need to accept my pain and nurture myself.

When I need to just accept the past and let go off my feelings and
desires for the comfort of a non-maternal mother who never loved  ME and never will. I was misguided by my one-sided desires I know now that my one-sided desire is always a self-pointing sword that in the end I will suffer with.

May I be free of delusions, secrets, false beliefs, denial, and emotional numbness. May I realise the healing nature of constructive assertive anger.
May I realise that protecting her from my anger is unhealthy.
May I discover the strength to face my pain.
May I realise that I can emotionally let go of my yearning.
May I let go of wanting what I will never receive from her.
May I realise that acceptance and letting go brings peace of mind.
May I realise that revenge is not the solution.
May I realise that making a personal success of my life is the best revenge.
May I realise that the highest justice can only be found through personal success and inner-peace.
May I realise that acceptance of my circumstance and emotions will bring me
peace of mind.

I am letting go of my delusions.
I am letting go of repressing my feelings.
Healing does not require forgiveness of my antagonist.

Denying and disowning what I feel too soon can only make me regress with my healing.

Wisdom is channelling and processing my feelings appropriately.
Wisdom is the process of accepting my life,letting go of my delusions and my unhealthy desires.

I allow myself the right to feel what I feel,for whatever length of time it takes.

I am awaking from my deluded sleep.
I am strong enough, I can break this spell.

I can let go off my delusions and I can walk away.

 

 

Nature Dictates. By Manashantii. May 2005

My choices are dictated by my circumstantial desperation and my biological nature.
My future is finalised by time, despite the urgency my judgement has been irrational.

Nature mysteriously journeys, travelling in the direction of
infinite generations that limits my life, my nature, my experience
and my existence.

Nature randomly creates. Nature progressively eliminates me.
Nature is amoral. Nature creates biochemical equations into life form without
contemplating on the justice of the art she designs.
Nature does not sense with my morals.
Nature does not sympathise with my experiences, or consider my interpretation, perception, my morals, my personality or my choices.

Time, nature and circumstances all calculate a consequential discord.
Nature dictates my destination. Nature is dictating amorality in my life.
My idealism imprisons me with guilt, desires and sacrificial choices.

I rejected, deceived and denied to myself my reason and need for
existence, my sexual instincts and my maternal desires.
My experiences, my sexual guilt and my need for acceptance.
All these conflicting blends penetrate and submerge my truthful desires away
from my consciousness, alienating the truthful desires away from my consciousness alienating the truth from myself.I make sacrificial choices my idealism chains me into moral self imprisonment.

Nature randomly creates cells,elements,atoms into biochemical life forms without contemplating morals or justice,nature doesnot sense with my morals.
Nature’s plan and my moralistic idealism do not agree.
In life, nature and circumstance dictates existence, health,
fertility, mortality and heredity.Nature is the highest force that dictates
the biological destination of all living things.

 

 

Family wisdom. By Manashantii. January 2004

Is there wisdom if you psychologically dismember your descendent seed in bud?
As I reflect on myriads of ancestral lives unfulfilled.
I see a family enshrouded in swollen hearted rage
A spherical maelstrom encircling ocean of passionate hate.
Denial and false beliefs regurgitate lies,nurturing lies, nurtures lies.
What wisdom is there? What family is there?
What unity is there?

 

 

Birth Family. By Manashantii. September 2002

A healthy family requires
Truth, honesty, love, faith, trust, commitment,
kindness, compassion, acceptance, forgiveness,
communication, understanding, support
and morality from each person towards one another.
Unfortunately there is none in the family of my birth.

 

 

 

Wise advice. By Manashantii. September 2002

My conception and my birth was not my decision,
Apparently once born into this world no one owes me anything
not even my parents, siblings, family or friends.
No relational bond is too firm to dissolve, and the truth is we are all alone.

Like a garden I must de-root and weed out what grieves me.
Every day I try to tell myself to reclaim my self- love,
to acknowledge my power,to reclaim my power and to let go off the past.

 

 

What is lovemaking? By Manashantii. October 1997

Lovemaking is a harmonious sharing of passion and tranquillity.

Lovemaking is sensuous, caring, tenderness, loving, with body centred awareness, breathing sharing giving receiving, communicating, nurturing, safe, protected.

Lovemaking is two people entwined in a dance and song of peace, by choice.

Lovemaking is like a deeply sensual, emotive, intuitive, physical and sexual dance in action. Lovemaking is creating connected contact with eyes, connected contact of bodies. Lovemaking is a way of showing how you feel about your lover through physical touch, movement, stroking, breathing, primal sounds and verbal words.

Lovemaking is expressing and reflecting. Lovemaking is giving and sharing each other’s joy and feelings for each other. Lovemaking is being sensitive of these needs. The needs of caressing yourself and your lover.

Lovemaking is like poetry, music, singing and dance.

Lovemaking is a celebration and a spiritual worship of the God and Goddess within us.

Lovemaking is delicate profound and sacred,

just like the human body.

Lovemaking is like the musician and the dancer. Lovemaking is a very sensual dance.

Lovemaking is like an emotive operatic epic, an elevating piece of song where you let yourself become one with the musical song, allowing your mind to permit your body to become one with the music.

Like a dancer, like a dancer entwining with the music,

as the musician’s sound vibrates the dancer’s body, the dancer listens, moves and expresses the rhythm.

Lovemaking is two bodies moving in harmony to each other s movement rhythms.

Lovemaking is two bodies connecting together, echoing, vibrating, reflecting, and sharing their feelings of affection, passion, and sensual tenderness.

Lovemaking is two people connected physically.

Lovemaking is two people bonded by the moment and time, moving together, in a harmonious rhythm, emotionally and physically feeling pleasure together, expanding sharing energy, sharing through touches, movements and words.

Lovemaking is a regular and irregular rhythmic pattern of movement and emotions.

Lovemaking is an energetic dance of biochemical cells merging and the re-emergence of life, and life affirming one’s existence.

Lovemaking is the dance of reproduction and creation.

Lovemaking is two people united in creating poetry music and dance

as an expression of their love they share a gift. A gift of expression affection.

Lovemaking is two bodies conversing in the language of ecstasy and joy.

Lovemaking is an intimate primitive language that expresses the feelings and desires of two souls.

Lovemaking is two souls surrendering their fears and inhibitions and becoming physically affectionate. Lovemaking is sharing a sexual dance with someone very, very, very special.

 

 

Demystifying her method. By Manashantii. September 2004  

I am demystifying your method of abusive enchantment in order to untangle my psychologically deluded spell.

Your violent words devour my trust, inner strength, dignity and confidence.

My own denial psychologically controlled me

You use my love, loyalty and respect as a weapon to exploit me to your advantage.

You distorted my perception of sanity and twisted my thought processes by ingeniously enchanting me to submissive complacency.

Your abusive words sever and numbed my opinions of myself and suffocated my sexuality.

You sadistically justify your actions by blaming my very existence and you take regular action at murdering and cursing and suffocating my sexuality.

Refusing to acknowledge my feelings and disqualifying the importance of my feelings. You show no signs of affection and no words of love

Your pre-meditated pathological cruelty and one-sided selfish

pleasure gives you adrenaline highs for the chaos that you have

caused within me.

You claim I seduced his sexually murderous appetite

but let us not forget that you were watching him

I see that you need to protect him and morally justify your love for him

but your conscienceless detachment and your irrational rivalry / jealousy horrifies me.

Annihilation, alienation, isolation.

My instinctual desire for your approval has been a self-pointing

sword that I have suffered with. All essence of my nature is

vulnerably exposed and you are consuming me with your pathological/

perverse/ malicious / -venomous negativity

In a shocked inert paralytic submissive dependency state

I lay in melancholic misery choking grief, obsessively yearning for

your love,

acceptance and forgiveness even though I am not guilty.

You nurture my inner-critic, contaminate and consume my inner-peace

and you convince me of my guilt, even though I am not guilty.

 

 

The serial victim. By Manashantii. Written After Being Raped.   May 2005 

Intense desire,
causes a deluded perception,
when lust seduced,
a neurological suction occurs,
my intellectual energy declines,
I surrender my emotional self,
defencelessly my unguarded heart is open to hurt.

Over-loving the emotionally incompetent,
over-loving the immature and emotionally deeply detached,
non-committed men with dissimilar interests,
dissimilar expectations and goals,
I am selflessly caring unconditionally,
then I wonder why I am a serial love victim.

 

 

Ant. By Manashantii. April 1985

There is a sunlight garden and

I am an ant blind inside a dome

the past,

the future,

How do I move forward?

How do I get out?

How do I see?

How do I get out?

 

 

 

The Rose. By Manashantii.  March 1985

The rose was wrapped up tightly in her own petals

Fast asleep

like a pineapple ripe and sprouting

I felt like a rejected rose

Cut no thorns

Or weapons to protect her

no roots

to stand tall

to hold onto for the future

thrown in a pile of rubbish

I felt like a rejected rose

This rose is scared

of blood

of the past

of the future

The lonely rose

screams in despair

speaking the language of silence

no one hears her cries.

 

 

 

The psychological deformation. By Manashantii. May 2005

Penetrating anguish,

disintegrates the deepest part of my identity

with a chilling decay.

My thoughts searches for words in order to

find meaning.

The irrationality of me was that

I let you dehumanise me to dependency,

giving you freedom to misshapen the texture of my psychological being.

 

 

The suppression. By Manashantii. June 2003

Paralysed by your threats of violence,
Hypnotised by your brainwashing words and gestures,
My anger is strangled into suffocated unconsciousness.

Now I mourn whilst transforming my anger into quietened grief,
all to accommodate the prosperity of your emotions,
My feelings sacrificially silenced into a muted suppression.

In another room,
you rejoice, having power over my emotions and over my sexuality
and I endure all this to benefit you from your numbed guilt.

 

 

Her violent voice. By Manashantii. June 2003

Her violent voice,
enforces fear,
destroying and corrupting my confidence,

Her violent voice,
Suffocates, mutilates and threatens my anger.

Her violent voice,
is fragmenting myself esteem into
micro-fractals of disorientated trembling grief

Her violent voice suppresses me
with my own unnecessary guilt and fear.

I am entrapped by my loyalty and love for her,
So I remain listening to
Her violent voice.

 

 

Mother’s speech. By Manashantii. December 1985

Don’t talk to her,
imagine she’s not there,
just us
empty and bare
she is nothing just thin air
Stay away from her
To love one so cumbrous is a sin,
Words, words, words so excruciating.

 

Why I write. 1st January 2010.By Manashantii

I use writing as a tool to help myself to heal from my traumatic experiences and I hope to inspire others.

 

Thursday 7th January 2010. By Manashantii

I acknowledge that I idolised my absent  biological father.
I no longer blame my mother for my abuse experiences.I let go off the past.

 

 

Manashantii’s jisei. (death poem). By Manashantii. Summer 1998

(To be read at my funeral.)

One last breath,

as my body permits,

painfully I breathe,

This is the last vision I see,
and this is my logic’s last thought,

My last moment.

You.

You may never know my history.

My genetic nature dictates my mortality.

Mortality is a reality I must accept.

Death is always a mysterious surprise.

I understand the truth about myself and my lifetime,

unfortunately now my breathing ends,

I was not awake enough whilst alive,

now I fall forever asleep,

Will my memories become silent nothingness?

my fear has finally come,

now my breathing ends,

my body melts,

into the elements,

nakedly nourishing living nature.

 

 

Earthics before Economics. By Manashantii. May 1999

“God”‘s existence and non existence and what name we choose to call “God”,forgetting that “God” doesn’t mind what we call him, or if we remember him.People obsess about money,forgetting how evil the paper is and we are still never born with it and we always die without it.Moral ethics translate the same in every religion,Love for humanity, pacifism and human welfare,people forget and I try to remember ethics,that it is the most important thing,more than power and social control. 

 

Predatory man by Manashantii. May 2005. Written after being Raped

(There is  a)
Predatory man is a pollutant parasite,
exploiting my vulnerabilities,
invading my inner peace.

You try to psychologically break me
I transform my psyche and restructure myself
I am psychologically malleable don’t you know?
you cannot destroy my genetic life force,
my sexuality and sexual existance,
because I am Yemanja Goddess

 

UNTITLED By Manashantii. May 2005.

Entagled in welfare dependency
where encouraged to further segment the nuclear family
by midlife European culture dictates that I must face
batchelorette poverty or career spinster capitalism
ALONE

because I am academically the best of my species
(I focused my energies on career)
I watch whilst incompetent bimbos quadruple
their genetic existance on my taxes
another economic bubble bursts
bimbos develop their careers by substituting marriage or welfare dependency.
Scientists with closed minds following ancient views and methods that don’t help the progress of humanity. Money can buy you life extension regardless of your morals.

 

Negative Sexualisation. By Manashantii. May 2005

NEGATIVE SEXUALISATION
SEXUAL PUNISHMENT
SEXUAL JEALOUSY
SEXUAL INADEQUACY
SEXUAL REJECTION
SEXUAL COMPETITION
SEXUAL CONTROL
SEXUAL EXPLOITATION
SEXUAL BETRAYAL
SEXUAL ABUSE
SEXUAL GUILT
instead of
healthy SEXUALISATION
healthy COMMUNICATION
healthy EMOTIONAL RESOURCES
healthy EMOTIONAL TEMPERAMENT
and SUPPORTIVE FAMILIAL BACKGROUND.

 

 

Family wisdom. By Manashantii. August 1998

Is there wisdom if you psychologically dismember your descendent seed in bud?
As I reflect on myriads of ancestral lives unfulfilled.
I see a family enshrouded in swollen hearted rage
A spherical maelstrom encircling ocean of passionate hate.
Denial and false beliefs regurgitate lies,
nurturing lies, nurtures lies.
What wisdom is there? What family is there?
What unity is there?

 

 

Birth Family. By Manashantii. August 1998

A healthy family requires
Truth, honesty, love, faith, trust, commitment,
kindness, compassion, acceptance, forgiveness,
communication, understanding, support
and morality from each person towards one another.
Unfortunately there is none in the family of my birth.
 

 

Wise advice. By Manashantii. May 1997

My conception and my birth was not my decision,
Apparently once born into this world no one owes me anything
not even my parents, siblings, family or friends.
No relational bond is too firm to dissolve,and the truth is we are all alone.
Like a garden I must de-root and weed out what grieves me.
Every day I try to tell myself to reclaim
my self- love, to acknowledge my power,
to reclaim my power and to let go off the past.

 

 

 

 

ART (Artificial Released Thinking). By Manashantii July 1989

ART Is what the eye sees

ART Are the colours and lines
ART Is the sense of touch 
ART
Are the unreal things created real
ART

ART Is language voice and sound

ART 
Are the things that pleases the senses 
ART 
Is what we explain three dimensionally. 
ART 
Is what we translate from our minds to life 
ART 
Artificial Released Thinking brought to life 

Artificial 
Released 
Thinking 

This is Art.

 

 

Monsoon tears. By Manashantii. April 1985 

I am a grey cloud releasing rain like tears
see, feel, and understand
the emotions I feel inside
with the addition of the wind
to help bring it your attentive view

Many worlds of darkness

are veiled in the pupils of your eyes
you look at my face
my tears are invisible to you

I wish I was a grey cloud, the wind and the rain,
I wish you could
understand
my thoughts and reasons.

I wish
a flash of lightening would spark,
perhaps for a moment,
you would see
my monsoon tears
descending from my eyes.

 

 

 

The psychological deformation. By Manashantii. May 2003

Penetrating anguish,
disintegrates the deepest part of my identity
with a chilling decay.
My thoughts searches for words in order to
find meaning.
The irrationality of me was that
I let you dehumanise me to dependency,
giving you freedom to misshapen the texture of my psychological being.

 

 

The suppression. By Manashantii. May 2003

Paralysed by your threats of violence,
Hypnotised by your brainwashing words and gestures,
My anger is strangled into suffocated unconsciousness.
Now I mourn whilst transforming my anger into quietened grief,
all to accommodate the prosperity of your emotions,
My feelings sacrificially silenced into a muted suppression.
In another room,
you rejoice, having power over my emotions and my sexuality
and I endure all this to benefit you from your numbed guilt.

 

 

Peace to the divine within myself. By Manashantii. June 1995

Peace, Peace, Peace, Peace
Peace to the divine within myself
I give myself the gift of peace.
Blessings to the divine within myself
I give myself the gift of peace.
Peace to the divine within myself
I give myself the gift of peace.
I have faith in the divine within myself
I give myself the gift of peace.
The divine within myself blossoms.
Peace to the divine within myself
Peace, Peace, Peace, Peace.